Happy New Year! December 31, 2007

*Happy Sexy New Year*

It’s almost time to ring in 2008 with celebrations throughout the United States.  I started this blog as an experiment not thinking it would amount to much, and now I’m close to getting 100k hits.  Thanks to the power of blogging and to all readers, browsers, and picture lookers.

Celebrate the start of 2008 with these two excellent french champagnes…

TAITTINGER

MOET & CHANDON

Epic Failures of 2007 December 30, 2007

In no particular order except for #1 Britney, here is a list of epic failures for 2007.

Britney Spears

• This girl has reached a level of failure so high that a separate scale needs to be made.  After her epic failed marriage with Kevin Federline, she’s gone apeshit crazy.  From reckless driving, to horrendous parenting, to random self punishment, she has been on a rollercoaster ride of MASSIVELY epic failure.

Jamie Lynn Spears

• Pregnant at 16?  This is actually not uncommon, but only dumb shitty people get pregnant at 16.  It’s not like she couldn’t afford birth control.  Jamie Lynn was supposed to be a role model for young teens, and different from Britney Spears.  The rumored father might not have been her 19 year old ex-boyfriend, but a much much older Nickelodeon studio exec.  Epic Fail.

Vanessa Hudgens

• The nude picture of her that floated around the internet is actually pretty disturbing…and it may or may not qualify as child porn since her age is questionable.  She once was a rising music star and a Disney star appearing in the widely praised High School Musical.  Now she’s just lame and dating Zac Efron.  That guy literally wears makeup and is so gay that it makes me want to kick small children.

Paris Hilton

• I hope no one forgot about Paris because she made headlines in the first part of 2007.  She was sentenced to jail for an extraordinarily brief amount of time for serious repeated offenses.  She was mocked by Sarah Silverman at an Awards show as well as laughed at by almost everyone.  After her release, she claimed to be a changed person which of course is a crock of epic failure.  Recently, her grandfather has left just $5 million out of his $2.3 billion fortune for her inheritance.  This may still seem like a lot, but it’s Paris Hilton we’re talking about.

Playstation 3

• Instead of being called Playstation 3, it should be called Playstation Fail.  After debuting at the end of last year with much success, Sony has completely bombed 2007.  Some of the things that have contributed to this failure are terrible games such as “Lair”, multiple confusing versions of the PS3 with minor differences, and a high price tag.  Meanwhile, the Nintendo Wii is still sold out everywhere despite being on the market for a year.

Financial firms / Subprime mortgages

• The credit crisis has been covered more times than I can count by every news outlet.  The list of affected companies include investment banks like Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Citigroup.  Mortgage lenders like Freddie Mac and Countrywide Financial have been getting hammered.  Furthermore, failed CEOs like Chuck Prince left Citigroup with a golden parachute while the company took heavy losses.  The ‘R’ word (Recession) has been used a number of times.  This meltdown defines epic failure.

Amy Winehouse

• Pretty much the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen, her horrifying pictures qualify her to be of epic failure quality.

Jessica Simpson

• Her romance with Tony Romo has been annoying football fans.  Her latest album blows.  Her movie career is bombing faster than I can type this.  Case in point, her most recent movie theatre opening grossed $384 in its opening — $48 per screen, 6 people per showtime, and a total of 48 viewers.  Even her line of cosmetics have been moved into discount stores.  Washed up hack and EPIC FAIL!!!

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men

• The firing of Gamespot’s veteran reviewer Jeff Gerstmann has been linked to this game by Eidos Interactive.  He had given the game a “Fair” rating which was apparently undesirable.  Users on the popular site DIGG would later expose faked ratings by Eidos to make the game appear better.  The subsequent coverup could only be described as an epic failure.

Tom Cruise

• A bit of a stretch but his foray into Scientology and marriage of insanity with Katie Holmes has still been leaving me speechless.  Any stories about Tom Cruise now are generally about how he has epicly failed.

Merry Christmas December 23, 2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Two more pictures of sexy supermodel Izabel at the bottom of the post.

I’ll be going away to NH for a week, and I’ll be checking out the new 75th Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall today so an early Merry Christmas to everyone.

There will be some negative people who come up with some weak reasons as to why they hate Christmas and the holiday season.  Some of these include materialism, commercialism, fake sincerity, mall overcrowding, terrible music, lying to children, and belligerent people.

All of those are mitigated by one reason…you have a day or two OFF…or if you’re a college student like me, you have over three weeks OFF.  If you still hate it, then you probably shouldn’t celebrate the holiday.  If you don’t celebrate the holiday, then all those reasons will disappear because they involve celebrating the holiday.  See?  Everybody wins.

Most wanted holiday gift of 2007?

Nintendo Wii

Without a doubt, the Nintendo Wii is the mosted wanted item of this year.  Last year, there was a struggle between the Sony Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii for dominance.  As 2007 began, the Nintendo Wii slowly began to gain its now massive lead, and it has brought the company firmly back into the console war.

Just how wanted is this console?  Well it’s still fetching decent premiums on Ebay.  WiiTracker is a way to get quick notification of where the Wii is in stock, but within 5 to 10 minutes, the status changes from ‘In Stock’ to ‘Sold Out’.  Consider yourself lucky if you happen to find one on a store shelf.  It doesn’t matter what age you are, this is a gift for everyone.

If a Nintendo Wii doesn’t fit the bill, perhaps this dick in a box will.

Remember to treat yourself with a candy cane this Christmas because they are delicious.

BREAKING NEWS: Jamie Lynn Spears is PREGNANT December 19, 2007

WOW LOL…so Britney Spears’ sister Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.  Hahaha, this was funny to me for a few minutes before I stared at the screen and thought WTF?

This doesn’t really qualify as “news” in my eyes, but I’m not sure how else to categorize this.  Freak accident?  The pregnancy was reported by People Magazine, was on DIGG shortly after, and finally accepted and released by the Associated Press.  This is no joke.

Nickelodeon, which carries her TV show Zoey 101, said in a statement: “We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”

“It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected,” Jamie Lynn told OK!, according to the Associated Press. “I was in complete and total shock and so was he.”

Spears told the magazine that after confirming the pregnancy with a home test and a subsequent doctor’s visit, she told only one friend – then waited two weeks before telling anybody else, including her parents.

You are hearing this CORRECTLY, if you thought Britney Spears had gone crazy, her 16 YEAR OLD sister has followed in her footsteps and got knocked up by her boyfriend Casey Aldridge.

She told her parents just before Thanksgiving.  Here’s one of the many possible scenarios that could have played out.

Jamie Lynn Spears:  Hey Mom…hey Dad, we need to talk.

Mom:  What is it honey?

Jamie:  I’m not sure how to tell you this so I’ll just say it.

Dad:  Whatever it is, I love you and I’m proud of you.

Jamie:  Well…I’m pregnant.

Dad:  WHAT THE FUCK!

Mom:  Oh…my…GOD…

Jamie:  Ahhh stop strangling me!

This is all probably going to blow over in a month or two, and it really sets a good example for kids everywhere, especially those who watch her show.  By the way, isn’t this whole thing statutory rape?  Isn’t this whole thing really screwed up?  Oh how interesting, you gotta love celebrities.

Photos credited to OK Magazine, Reuters, and other unnamed sources.