CHRIS ON RAILS

a personal weblog of everything nice

Happy New Year! December 31, 2007

Filed under: 2007,2008,Babes,Champagne,Happy New Year,New Year,Sexy — allyouneediscourage @ 6:06 pm

*Happy Sexy New Year*

Angelique Boyer H Magazine Sexy and Beautiful

It’s almost time to ring in 2008 with celebrations throughout the United States.  I started this blog as an experiment not thinking it would amount to much, and now I’m close to getting 100k hits.  Thanks to the power of blogging and to all readers, browsers, and picture lookers.

Celebrate the start of 2008 with these two excellent french champagnes…

TAITTINGER

Taittinger Champagne

MOET & CHANDON

Moet & Chandon Champagne

 

Epic Failures of 2007 December 30, 2007

Filed under: 2007,Celebrities,Epic Fail,Funny,Humor — allyouneediscourage @ 6:57 pm

Epic Fail Homer Simpson

In no particular order except for #1 Britney, here is a list of epic failures for 2007.

Britney Spears

  • This girl has reached a level of failure so high that a separate scale needs to be made.  After her epic failed marriage with Kevin Federline, she’s gone apeshit crazy.  From reckless driving, to horrendous parenting, to random self punishment, she has been on a rollercoaster ride of MASSIVELY epic failure.

Jamie Lynn Spears

  • Pregnant at 16?  This is actually not uncommon, but only dumb shitty people get pregnant at 16.  It’s not like she couldn’t afford birth control.  Jamie Lynn was supposed to be a role model for young teens, and different from Britney Spears.  The rumored father might not have been her 19 year old ex-boyfriend, but a much much older Nickelodeon studio exec.  Epic Fail.

Vanessa Hudgens

  • The nude picture of her that floated around the internet is actually pretty disturbing…and it may or may not qualify as child porn since her age is questionable.  She once was a rising music star and a Disney star appearing in the widely praised High School Musical.  Now she’s just lame and dating Zac Efron.  That guy literally wears makeup and is so gay that it makes me want to kick small children.

Paris Hilton

  • I hope no one forgot about Paris because she made headlines in the first part of 2007.  She was sentenced to jail for an extraordinarily brief amount of time for serious repeated offenses.  She was mocked by Sarah Silverman at an Awards show as well as laughed at by almost everyone.  After her release, she claimed to be a changed person which of course is a crock of epic failure.  Recently, her grandfather has left just $5 million out of his $2.3 billion fortune for her inheritance.  This may still seem like a lot, but it’s Paris Hilton we’re talking about.

Playstation 3

  • Instead of being called Playstation 3, it should be called Playstation Fail.  After debuting at the end of last year with much success, Sony has completely bombed 2007.  Some of the things that have contributed to this failure are terrible games such as “Lair”, multiple confusing versions of the PS3 with minor differences, and a high price tag.  Meanwhile, the Nintendo Wii is still sold out everywhere despite being on the market for a year.

Financial firms / Subprime mortgages

  • The credit crisis has been covered more times than I can count by every news outlet.  The list of affected companies include investment banks like Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Citigroup.  Mortgage lenders like Freddie Mac and Countrywide Financial have been getting hammered.  Furthermore, failed CEOs like Chuck Prince left Citigroup with a golden parachute while the company took heavy losses.  The ‘R’ word (Recession) has been used a number of times.  This meltdown defines epic failure.

Amy Winehouse

  • Pretty much the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen, her horrifying pictures qualify her to be of epic failure quality.

Jessica Simpson

  • Her romance with Tony Romo has been annoying football fans.  Her latest album blows.  Her movie career is bombing faster than I can type this.  Case in point, her most recent movie theatre opening grossed $384 in its opening — $48 per screen, 6 people per showtime, and a total of 48 viewers.  Even her line of cosmetics have been moved into discount stores.  Washed up hack and EPIC FAIL!!!

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men

  • The firing of Gamespot’s veteran reviewer Jeff Gerstmann has been linked to this game by Eidos Interactive.  He had given the game a “Fair” rating which was apparently undesirable.  Users on the popular site DIGG would later expose faked ratings by Eidos to make the game appear better.  The subsequent coverup could only be described as an epic failure.

Tom Cruise

  • A bit of a stretch but his foray into Scientology and marriage of insanity with Katie Holmes has still been leaving me speechless.  Any stories about Tom Cruise now are generally about how he has epicly failed.
 

Merry Christmas December 23, 2007

Filed under: Christmas,Family,Holiday,Izabel Goulart,Life,Merry Christmas,Xmas — allyouneediscourage @ 4:20 pm

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Izabel Goulart in Red Santa Outfit at Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2006

Two more pictures of sexy supermodel Izabel at the bottom of the post.

I’ll be going away to NH for a week, and I’ll be checking out the new 75th Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall today so an early Merry Christmas to everyone.

Radio City Music Hall 75th Christmas Spectacular

There will be some negative people who come up with some weak reasons as to why they hate Christmas and the holiday season.  Some of these include materialism, commercialism, fake sincerity, mall overcrowding, terrible music, lying to children, and belligerent people.

All of those are mitigated by one reason…you have a day or two OFF…or if you’re a college student like me, you have over three weeks OFF.  If you still hate it, then you probably shouldn’t celebrate the holiday.  If you don’t celebrate the holiday, then all those reasons will disappear because they involve celebrating the holiday.  See?  Everybody wins.

Most wanted holiday gift of 2007?

Nintendo Wii

Nintendo Wii

Without a doubt, the Nintendo Wii is the mosted wanted item of this year.  Last year, there was a struggle between the Sony Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii for dominance.  As 2007 began, the Nintendo Wii slowly began to gain its now massive lead, and it has brought the company firmly back into the console war.

Just how wanted is this console?  Well it’s still fetching decent premiums on Ebay.  WiiTracker is a way to get quick notification of where the Wii is in stock, but within 5 to 10 minutes, the status changes from ‘In Stock’ to ‘Sold Out’.  Consider yourself lucky if you happen to find one on a store shelf.  It doesn’t matter what age you are, this is a gift for everyone.

If a Nintendo Wii doesn’t fit the bill, perhaps this dick in a box will.

Dick in a Box Funny Ad Warehouse One

Remember to treat yourself with a candy cane this Christmas because they are delicious.

Izabel Goulart in Candy Cane outfit at Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2006

Izabel Goulart nice ass in Candy Cane outfit at Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2006

 

BREAKING NEWS: Jamie Lynn Spears is PREGNANT December 19, 2007

Filed under: Britney Spears,Celebrities,Entertainment,Jamie Lynn Spears,OMG,Pregnancy,WTF — allyouneediscourage @ 2:22 am

Jamie Lynn Spears OK Magazine Pregnancy

WOW LOL…so Britney Spears’ sister Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.  Hahaha, this was funny to me for a few minutes before I stared at the screen and thought WTF?

This doesn’t really qualify as “news” in my eyes, but I’m not sure how else to categorize this.  Freak accident?  The pregnancy was reported by People Magazine, was on DIGG shortly after, and finally accepted and released by the Associated Press.  This is no joke.

Nickelodeon, which carries her TV show Zoey 101, said in a statement: “We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”

“It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected,” Jamie Lynn told OK!, according to the Associated Press. “I was in complete and total shock and so was he.”

Spears told the magazine that after confirming the pregnancy with a home test and a subsequent doctor’s visit, she told only one friend – then waited two weeks before telling anybody else, including her parents.

You are hearing this CORRECTLY, if you thought Britney Spears had gone crazy, her 16 YEAR OLD sister has followed in her footsteps and got knocked up by her boyfriend Casey Aldridge.

Jamie Lynn Spears boyfriend Casey Aldridge

Jamie Lynn Spears candid shot walking with boyfriend Casey AldridgeJamie Lynn Spears candid shot walking with boyfriend Casey Aldridge

Jamie Lynn Spears in a miniskirt

She told her parents just before Thanksgiving.  Here’s one of the many possible scenarios that could have played out.

Jamie Lynn Spears:  Hey Mom…hey Dad, we need to talk.

Mom:  What is it honey?

Jamie:  I’m not sure how to tell you this so I’ll just say it.

Dad:  Whatever it is, I love you and I’m proud of you.

Jamie:  Well…I’m pregnant.

Dad:  WHAT THE FUCK!

Mom:  Oh…my…GOD…

Jamie:  Ahhh stop strangling me!

This is all probably going to blow over in a month or two, and it really sets a good example for kids everywhere, especially those who watch her show.  By the way, isn’t this whole thing statutory rape?  Isn’t this whole thing really screwed up?  Oh how interesting, you gotta love celebrities.

Jamie Lynn Spears with sister Britney Spears funny caption

Photos credited to OK Magazine, Reuters, and other unnamed sources.

 

I AM LEGEND is a fascinating and fun adventure (Movie Review) December 16, 2007

Filed under: Entertainment,Film,I Am Legend,Movie Reviews,Movies,Will Smith — allyouneediscourage @ 10:51 pm

WARNING:  This review contains a few spoilers.

I AM LEGEND official movie poster

I AM LEGEND is like a mashup of different movies.  It’s part sci-fi action, part horror thriller, and part moral tale of survivalism.  Take Will Smith who is a big movie star and throw him into a movie with a fascinating and gripping view of the end of the world.  What do you get?  Well you get a mostly entertaining movie with a well done first act and a problematic second act that feels rushed.  The movie begins with an interview of Dr. Kripper (Emma Thompson) who is speaking about her scientific breakthrough in finding a cure for cancer. She has taken the Measles virus and altered it at a genetic level so that it attacks only cancerous cells.  The treatment has proven 100% effective in over 10, 000 clinical trials.  Of course, this cure is too good to be true and something goes horribly wrong.

I AM LEGEND Will Smith sits by destroyed Brooklyn bridge

Most of the movie takes place in 2012 in a desolate and ravaged New York City.  The opening scenes in this movie contain special effects that are excellent, and it really creates a realistic yet almost magical view of a dead city.  Because there is no upkeep to the city, weeds are rampantly growing, buildings are crumbling, and wild animals run free.  Robert Neville is apparently the last man on earth after that miraculous cure for cancer mutated into a deadly virus.  This virus had an infection rate of about 90% which basically turned the world’s population into “The Infected”.  Of the remaining survivors, 1% had immunity and this number was drastically reduced when the infected population turned on the survivors.  Neville has not seen anyone for three years and his only companion is his daughter’s pet dog named Sam.  It is explained that some animals are immune to the airborne virus, but they are still vulnerable to contracting the virus through physical contact with infected.

Every night, Robert Neville goes into lockdown mode inside a barricaded house in Greenwich Village.  The doors have giant locks, the windows have heavy metal shutters, and there is a gun in almost every room of the house.  Then the inhuman screaming begins as infected survivors roam the streets looking for things to kill.  The CGI for The Infected is absolutely horrendous by modern standards.  They resemble predatory zombies yet have vampire-like traits and weaknesses:  warped pale flesh, reactive to UV light, drawn to the scent of blood, fang-like teeth, extremely strong, and very quick movement.  At first they are scary, especially the superb suspense buildup in the first encounter with The Infected inside an abandoned warehouse.  After that scene, they are just not that scary.  Facial expressions, movement, the eyes, the skin, everything about them looks heavily computer generated and this really takes away the plausability of such creatures.  It seems these zombie vampires just serve the purpose of being lame cookie cutter menaces.  But really, this movie is not supposed to be like 28 DAYS LATER so this aspect of the movie can be excused.

I AM LEGEND Will Smith with family escaping Manhattan

I AM LEGEND Will Smith sleeping in bathub with dog Sam

For the most part, this movie is about the struggle of Robert Neville.  It’s difficult to imagine what it would be like to be deprived of human contact for a few months let alone several years.  It’s even more difficult to imagine losing your entire family in a matter of seconds, then having the willpower to commit yourself to finding a cure for this virus which has destroyed humanity.  Robert Neville faces this harsh reality and basically looks forward to a future of despair.  However, everyday at midday he goes to the dock by the Hudson river, transmits a radio message, and hopes for survivors.  He has a laboratory in the basement where he conducts experiments for a cure with disappointing results.  He manages to go about hunting and gathering food when he’s tired of canned variety.  There are mannequins that he set up around a video rental store, and he jokingly talks to them everytime he visits the store for another rental.  He has gone a bit crazy, but he still remembers his mission and what he promised the day when Manhattan was quarantined.  This is his Ground Zero.  He can still fix this.

The buildup into the second half of the movie is good, but the actual second half feels rushed.  After a sad event that breaks Neville’s spirit, he attempts a suicidal act at night in an SUV.  Just as he is about to be killed, he is somehow saved by a woman named Anna and her son.  There’s little to no explanation about how they managed to get into Manhattan, perhaps by boat since all the bridges have been decimated by military aircraft.  The next day, Neville wakes up surprised to find himself alive in his home.  The following events seem to just fly by in 20 minutes.  Anna claims to know of a colony of survivors in Vermont.  It seems absurd that they went through all this trouble just to find one man.  There’s some religious material about God injected into the second half that’s unconvincing.  When night falls, the sounds of infected can be heard approaching the house because Anna made the mistake of driving through the city before the sun came up.  What a convenient way to present the final action scene.  Somehow through all the chaos, it is found that one of the potions concocted by Neville earlier in the movie seems to actually work in reversing the effects of infection, but how?  Given a few changes, this movie could have been truly excellent, but the second act just seemed to collapse into rapid fire scenes and missed opportunities that only raise questions.

I AM LEGEND Will Smith walking abandoned street with dog Sam

I AM LEGEND does contain many memorable scenes, such as the moments between Neville and his dog, the evacuation scene of Manhattan when he’s saying goodbye to his family, and the first encounter with The Infected.  This is one of Will Smith’s better movies and for the most part, his acting is above average.  He really does deliver a pretty solid performance.  The scenes of a deserted New York City are effective and provide an enlightening vision of what the world would look like without us.  Overall, I AM LEGEND is a fun, inventive, and fascinating adventure.

SCORE:  B+

Smith’s ‘Legend’ grows with $76.5M debut – Yahoo! News

 

The lovely Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn’t like to be called fat December 13, 2007

Filed under: Babes,Celebrities,Jennifer Love Hewitt,Sexy — allyouneediscourage @ 10:29 pm

Jennifer Love Hewitt Smiling Pretty Eyes

It happens to all famous attractive women.  Eventually they will transform into something NOT so attractive.  They’ll get the verbal beatdown on the internet, in magazines, and in real life.  Villages will burn, livestock will be slaughtered, and children will be forced to wear funny outfits.  Jennifer Love Hewitt cannot accept this and has fought back with her mighty words.

On her Web site, Hewitt says, “I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. “A size two is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size zero doesn’t make you beautiful.

“What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

“To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini — put it on and stay strong.”

You know your words have been heard when you’re on the front cover of People Magazine.  Yes I know, I also thought WTF?

Jennifer Love Hewitt is fat on December 2007 People Magazine Cover

Jennifer Love Hewitt in December 2007 People Magazine

After all this mud flinging over the internet, you’d think she actually is really upset but noooo…she’s upset for all the girls out there struggling with their body image.  What a crock of shit.  Just shrug and admit that you do indeed look fat, but at least you’re not Britney Spears.  What a shame though, she used to look pretty damn hot.

Here’s some of the best pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt that aren’t the typical Maxim shots…but she does have those too.

Jennifer Love Hewitt on the Rolling Stone Magazine cover

Jennifer Love Hewitt sexy laying down Rolling Stone Magazine

Jennifer Love Hewitt hot beautiful sexy pose

Jennifer Love Hewitt hot and sexy Hanes Ad