CHRIS ON RAILS

a personal weblog of everything nice

Epic Failures of 2007 December 30, 2007

Filed under: 2007,Celebrities,Epic Fail,Funny,Humor — allyouneediscourage @ 6:57 pm

Epic Fail Homer Simpson

In no particular order except for #1 Britney, here is a list of epic failures for 2007.

Britney Spears

  • This girl has reached a level of failure so high that a separate scale needs to be made.  After her epic failed marriage with Kevin Federline, she’s gone apeshit crazy.  From reckless driving, to horrendous parenting, to random self punishment, she has been on a rollercoaster ride of MASSIVELY epic failure.

Jamie Lynn Spears

  • Pregnant at 16?  This is actually not uncommon, but only dumb shitty people get pregnant at 16.  It’s not like she couldn’t afford birth control.  Jamie Lynn was supposed to be a role model for young teens, and different from Britney Spears.  The rumored father might not have been her 19 year old ex-boyfriend, but a much much older Nickelodeon studio exec.  Epic Fail.

Vanessa Hudgens

  • The nude picture of her that floated around the internet is actually pretty disturbing…and it may or may not qualify as child porn since her age is questionable.  She once was a rising music star and a Disney star appearing in the widely praised High School Musical.  Now she’s just lame and dating Zac Efron.  That guy literally wears makeup and is so gay that it makes me want to kick small children.

Paris Hilton

  • I hope no one forgot about Paris because she made headlines in the first part of 2007.  She was sentenced to jail for an extraordinarily brief amount of time for serious repeated offenses.  She was mocked by Sarah Silverman at an Awards show as well as laughed at by almost everyone.  After her release, she claimed to be a changed person which of course is a crock of epic failure.  Recently, her grandfather has left just $5 million out of his $2.3 billion fortune for her inheritance.  This may still seem like a lot, but it’s Paris Hilton we’re talking about.

Playstation 3

  • Instead of being called Playstation 3, it should be called Playstation Fail.  After debuting at the end of last year with much success, Sony has completely bombed 2007.  Some of the things that have contributed to this failure are terrible games such as “Lair”, multiple confusing versions of the PS3 with minor differences, and a high price tag.  Meanwhile, the Nintendo Wii is still sold out everywhere despite being on the market for a year.

Financial firms / Subprime mortgages

  • The credit crisis has been covered more times than I can count by every news outlet.  The list of affected companies include investment banks like Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Citigroup.  Mortgage lenders like Freddie Mac and Countrywide Financial have been getting hammered.  Furthermore, failed CEOs like Chuck Prince left Citigroup with a golden parachute while the company took heavy losses.  The ‘R’ word (Recession) has been used a number of times.  This meltdown defines epic failure.

Amy Winehouse

  • Pretty much the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen, her horrifying pictures qualify her to be of epic failure quality.

Jessica Simpson

  • Her romance with Tony Romo has been annoying football fans.  Her latest album blows.  Her movie career is bombing faster than I can type this.  Case in point, her most recent movie theatre opening grossed $384 in its opening — $48 per screen, 6 people per showtime, and a total of 48 viewers.  Even her line of cosmetics have been moved into discount stores.  Washed up hack and EPIC FAIL!!!

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men

  • The firing of Gamespot’s veteran reviewer Jeff Gerstmann has been linked to this game by Eidos Interactive.  He had given the game a “Fair” rating which was apparently undesirable.  Users on the popular site DIGG would later expose faked ratings by Eidos to make the game appear better.  The subsequent coverup could only be described as an epic failure.

Tom Cruise

  • A bit of a stretch but his foray into Scientology and marriage of insanity with Katie Holmes has still been leaving me speechless.  Any stories about Tom Cruise now are generally about how he has epicly failed.
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