Rising stars: Get to know AnnaSophia Robb – Part 2 of 3 June 10, 2009

Go here for Part 1 of this post -> Rising stars:  Get to know AnnaSophia Robb – Part 1 of 3

AnnaSophia Robb has starred in a few independent films that haven’t received much attention.  I’m going to comment mostly on Have Dreams, Will Travel and Sleepwalking.

There are movie spoilers below.

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Have Dreams, Will Travel (2007)

Have Dreams, Will Travel was originally called West Texas Children’s Story.  It’s a bittersweet drama set in the 1960s starring Cayden Boyd and AnnaSophia Robb.  Cayden plays Ben Reynolds who narrates the story and begins by explaining his situation; a neglecting bisexual mother, and an indifferent father obsessed with cleaning his boat in the desert.  On a rainy night, there’s a car that crashes outside the family diner, and surprise surprise, the only survivor is Cassie Kensington played by AnnaSophia.  They take her in until she can get better so that she may live with her grandmother.  She decides to take matters into her own hands and tells Ben that there’s nothing here for her, and convinces Ben that there’s nothing here for him either.  They decide to just randomly take off to her aunt and uncle’s house in Baltimore, and a long road trip takes up almost 80% of the movie.  Along the way they sleep in a barn, get married at Cassie’s suggestion, are detained by the police, ride in a flower power hippie bus, and so on.  Yes, two 12 year old kids get married.

AnnaSophia Robb on set with her dog Bella

AnnaSophia Robb’s character in this movie  is certifiably insane and talks like no one you’ve ever heard before.  There’s this theme about how “everyone needs a plan” that she stresses throughout the entire length of the movie.  When Ben and Cassie arrive at her aunt’s house, she undergoes a mental breakdown and is admitted to a psychiatric ward.  Apparently her father was an alcoholic and also abused her, and she caused the accident that killed her parents by attacking her father while he was driving.  Ben helps her escape the ward at the end of the movie and they live a fulfilling life, accomplishing the goals that were set in “the plan” they made as 12 year old kids.

This movie was a little deeper than I expected.  After the credits rolled, I felt like I just watched something really bland but also really original at the same time.

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Spy School (2008)

Her expression just about sums up the movie

This movie was really really really terrible.  Thomas Miller (Forrest Landis) is a loner and a compulsive liar at a school.  He has zero friends but somehow manages to capture the attention of cute skater girl Jackie Hoffman played by AnnaSophia Robb.  It was excruciating to watch the pathetic romance unfold.  Thomas foolishly goes for a British girl named Madison played by Taylor Momsen who is about a foot taller than everyone else.  AnnaSophia Robb apparently has her first on-screen kiss in this movie and it is completely awkward because she cries afterwards.

Spy School was just borderline unwatchable because it was incredibly cheesy, the plot was lame, and the acting was terrible…but I guess that is what I should expect for a TV/DVD release movie.  The only good part of the movie was probably all the scenes when AnnaSophia does a funny accent mimicking Taylor Momsen’s character Madison.  If I could buy back the time I lost watching this movie, I probably would.

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Sleepwalking (2008)

AnnaSophia Robb as Tara Reedy and Nick Stahl as James Reedy

Sleepwalking was originally called Ferris Wheel, and I figured out why.  There’s nothing but depressing characters, themes, and imagery that just go round and round.  Try not to sleepwalk through this movie even though it was one of the slowest movies I’ve ever seen in my life.  I watched it with some friends, and they all fell asleep.  I had to watch it a second time to see if I missed anything.  AnnaSophia Robb plays Tara Reedy, the daughter of Joleen Reedy played by Charlize Theron.  Tara is a troubled and bitter kid because her mother completely fails at life and randomly leaves Tara for a short period of time.  This forces her uncle James Reedy played by Nick Stahl to take responsibility and be her guardian.  Basically, the movie slowly builds up to a hellish “vacation” to a farm run by Tara’s grandfather played by Dennis Hopper.  On that farm, they experience some mind-numbingly brutal work and quite a lot of physical, emotional, and mental abuse.  I thought most of the characters in the movie did a decent job.  However, I thought Charlize Theron’s character seemed half assed because they never did explain where she went or why she came back.  Absolutely no closure there but James and Tara have some genuine cathartic experiences by the end of the movie.

Strangest scene in the whole movie

I think the best scene in this movie is when Tara is smoking by the motel pool and just roller skating around.  It’s very lolita-like as she just lounges on a pool chair and gazes back at the young boys in the jacuzzi.  When she jumps in the pool, it’s her way of saying that she has control over her life and that she won’t take the path her mother took.  I think all the bonding scenes with her uncle were also pretty good.  By the end of the movie, James realizes that his involvement in taking care of Tara has mostly changed has life for the better.  To enjoy this movie or at least watch it with an open mind, I think you need to be able to sit through really slow moving material, and sift through the crap to get to the good stuff (if there is any).  Most people I know are typically the kind with the patience to only watch action movies or comedies.  Also, most people just want to watch a movie and not spend too much time analyzing what happens, and that’s why this movie is indie film material.

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Jumper (2008)

AnnaSophia Robb looks like Natalie Portman here

AnnaSophia Robb plays Young Millie in "Jumper"

This is not an independent or low budget film, but she had a really small almost unnoticed role in this movie.  If you want to see AnnaSophia Robb as a brunette, Samuel L Jackson play his typical badass character, and some absolutely ridiculous but inventive action scenes, then here you go.  The only issue I have with this movie is that it leaves way too many unanswered questions by the end.  For example, where did the jumping power come from?

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Dear Eleanor (2009)

AnnaSophia Robb plays Ellie Potter in "Dear Eleanor"

What can we expect for her next movie?  She was supposed to do a movie called The White Giraffe with Gabor Csupo, the director of Bridge to Terabithia.  It has an interesting story.  The story tells of Martine, an orphaned young girl emigrating to South Africa to live with her grandmother on a game preserve.  The tale is filled with African magic and mystery as Martine searches for the truth behind the legend of the white giraffe. This is exactly the kind of movie that AnnaSophia likes to do, something with a good story to tell.  Unfortunately, the project is apparently dead in the water, and we probably won’t see it get the green light.  Anyway, AnnaSophia Robb will be starring in Dear Eleanor.

This movie is still in pre-production as of 6/10/2009.

IMDB Synopsis:

The story of two fourteen year old girls, Ellie and Max the Wax, who travel across America in 1962 during the chaos of the Cuban missile crisis in search of Eleanor Roosevelt and Ellie’s late mother.  Their secret journey begins in their hometown of Manteca, California (The Pumpkin Capital of the World).  Their final destination: New York City (The Big Apple).  Along the way they’re robbed by a guy who looks like Warren Beatty and helped out by Max’s Aunt Daisy, a vaudevillian contortionist who can fold herself into a bag.  When Ellie loses all hope of ever finding her mother, Aunt Daisy pushes her onward to discover just what is waiting for her at Eleanor Roosevelt’s house, and why this adventure will not be the end of her journey, but just the beginning.

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Charity Work

AnnaSophia Robb interviews with TC Magazine

So what else does she do?  Well she is involved in volunteering and giving back through charity work.  AnnaSophia is an activist in the Dalit Freedom Network, an organization that essentially helps poverty stricken people (specifically Indians in the lowest caste) across the world from the United States.

Read her essay on her life changing trip to India -> http://www.annasophiarobb.com/summer_vacation_india.pdf

“So why would a girl who already has so many things going want to take the time to help children halfway around the world?  For AnnaSophia, the answer is simple — you never know what kind of difference you can make.  [My family and I] sponsor a couple of children in India and you never know, if those children get a good education and grow up, they could become the prime minister of India.  They could create a cure for cancer,” AnnaSophia said.  “Who knows what the potential of our world is, but we all need to help each other.” – excerpt from AnnaSophia’s interview with TC Magazine

“All her hard work is paying off and everyone from producers and critics to fans and moviegoers are starting to take notice.  AnnaSophia has been nominated for several awards and won the Young Artist Award for Best Leading Actress in 2008.  But while it may be her big smile that captivates people on the silver screen, it’s AnnaSophia’s big heart that really stands out.” – TC Magazine

AnnaSophia Robb has accomplished quite a bit at such a  young age, but there’s much more on the horizon for this young actress.  Most of her movies usually have a decent depth and a memorable character, and I hope she continues starring in such films.  As long as she stays grounded, avoids the stereotypical Hollywood life, and picks the right films, we might see an Academy award winning actress one day.

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Recent Interviews

AnnaSophia Robb interviews with Nylon Magazine

AnnaSophia Robb interviews at 14th Annual Palm Beach Film Festival

AnnaSophia Robb dances at Zlin Film Festival

AnnaSophia Robb interviews at Zlin Film Festival

Megan Fox burning hot in Esquire Magazine, Jonah Hex and Fathom. May 5, 2009

Megan Fox is stunning in a white dress for Transformers 2

There’s always room for Megan Fox on this blog.  Her latest shenanigans involve a scorching hot video by Esquire Magazine, hamming it up on the Jonah Hex movie set, and being set to play a raven haired beauty in Fathom, a movie adaptation of a comic book by an artist I actually like.

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Megan Fox in ESQUIRE Magazine

Her recently popular magazine shoot is with Esquire Magazine.  They have an exclusive video capturing Megan Fox from the moment she wakes up to what she eats at lunch.  I don’t believe that many women can wake up writhing and arching their back, drink a beer, eat a fat burger and look as good as she does.  It’s a gift.

From the DailyMail:

Photographer Greg Williams shot the hottest actress with a hi-tech Red One camera, which meant he could grab stills of her at the end.  He recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage – getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, lighting a barbecue.  “It allowed her to act,” Williams says.  “She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture.” Williams was then left with ten minutes of footage which he turned into a mini-film called ‘Good Morning, Megan Fox.’

Megan Fox sleeping and waking up

Megan Fox jumps right into her clothes

Megan Fox lounges by the pool

Megan Fox chills by the pool with beer and barbecue

Megan Fox fixing her makeup

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Click thumbnails to enlarge to 1280 x 736 screen caps.

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Megan Fox in Jonah Hex

Megan Fox in a tight corset for the Jonah Hex movie

Megan has also been caught recently wearing a slinky costume with a tiny midsection on the Jonah Hex movie set.  She squeezed her 22in waist into an 18in corset meaning her waist is about 6 inches across.  That sounds like a reasonable torture to look hot.  She stars as Leila opposite Josh Brolin who plays Jonah Hex.  The movie is about some ridiculous bounty hunter fighting a voodoo practitioner that raises an undead army out in the wild west.

Megan Fox plays Leila, gun-wielding love interest of Jonah Hex

From the DailyMail:

“When Megan first slipped into it she almost couldn’t breathe,” said a source.  “It’s extremely tight – but I think you’ll all agree she looks sensational.”

“Megan’s got an intriguing role in the film,” said the source.  “By day she’s the epitome of respectability – by night she’s a man-eating vice girl.  And without giving too much away I can tell you she’s one hot ticket in some sizzling scenes.”

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1176831/Waisting-away-wild-west-Megan-Foxs-corset-whittles-waist-just-SIX-inches-wide.html

It’s been rumored that her character is a prostitute.  I heartily approve this decision.  Bravo!

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Megan Fox in Fathom

Aspen Matthews is the main character in Michael Turner's Fathom

Her next big project will be Fathom, a comic book series adapted for the big screen.  Megan Fox plays Aspen Matthews, a marine biologist who is the victim of an attack at an underwater research station.  Aspen finds that her anatomy is not quite human and eventually discovers that she’s part of an underwater race hiding from humanity called The Blue.  This race and their city is like Atlantis, very technologically advanced and apprehensive of humans.  Aspen is abducted and they attempt to use her as a weapon since certain members of the Blue can manipulate water and energy.  She finds that she’s more powerful than she could have ever imagined.  Chaos ensues.  She fights bad guys.  People die.  World is changed forever.  Sounds like it could be epic right?

She definitely has the looks to pull off Aspen Matthews.  I photoshopped these set of pictures together so you can see a side by side comparison.

Megan Fox will look scorching hot as Aspen Matthews in Fathom

Aspen Matthews from Fathom and Megan Fox

From MTV:

The 22-year-old actress claims to have been a lifelong comic reader with a penchant for the late Michael Turner’s artwork — which is why her upcoming turn as the lead character in “Fathom” is nothing short of a dream come true.  “[‘Fathom’ is] a comic book property by my favorite artist, Michael Turner,” Fox told USA Weekend during a photo shoot with herself and soon-to-be “Green Hornet” star Seth Rogen.  “It’s about this underwater race of people, and it’s plausible, really, because so much of the ocean is unexplored.  We don’t really know what’s under there.  It could be happening, which I like.”

Aspen Matthews in Fathom uses her powers to dissolve in water

http://splashpage.mtv.com/2009/04/30/megan-fox-talks-fathom-and-jonah-hex-seth-rogen-explains-green-hornet-weight-loss/

Like Megan Fox, I also like Michael Turner’s creative work, he does some fantastic and unique looking art.  I’ve been following his work since I was in high school.  The Fathom movie was planned to be directed by James Cameron back in the late 90s, but that obviously never happened.  I’m glad it didn’t happen until now because there wasn’t a suitable brunette to play this role back in the 90s.  Megan Fox saves the day again.  It must be a tough life being a heroine all the time.

Megan Fox wearing motorcycle leathers for Transformers 2

Rising stars: Get to know AnnaSophia Robb – Part 1 of 3 April 8, 2009

Hello everyone.  It’s been over a year since I stopped blogging.  I’m coming back now and I’ll start off with a get-to-know series on young actors and actresses.  I’ll begin with AnnaSophia Robb since I’ve been seeing her a lot lately in movies.

Go here for Part 2 of this post -> Rising stars:  Get to know AnnaSophia Robb – Part 2 of 3

ANNASOPHIA ROBB

The lovely AnnaSophia Robb is going to be a powerful force in Hollywood.  From the age of three, she wanted to be an entertainer.  At the age of five, AnnaSophia started out on a church stage singing in front of 500 people in her home state of Colorado.  She dreamed big and found her calling in the entertainment industry.  When most kids were simply watching afternoon television and playing sports, AnnaSophia was asking her mother how people get into movies and get on TV.  Her mother told her that she needed an agent.  By the age of eight she was taking acting classes, and by age nine she was finally scouted by an agency.

“I just love to perform. That’s all I can ever remember wanting to do,” AnnaSophia explains. “When I was about 8, I begged my mom for an agent because that’s how I heard actors got started. After taking an acting class, I was invited to come out to L.A. It just all kind of started from there.”

In 2003, she set off on her first round of L.A. auditions during the pilot season.  Her family lived in a guest house as he father worked and her mother drove her around to auditions in the daytime.  More than 40 auditions later, AnnaSophia had finally gotten her first real gig in a commercial advertising Bratz dolls and Happy Meals for McDonalds.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited in my life. I mean, I get excited when I hear that I [got] a movie and it’s really going to happen–I’m always jumping up and down and ” screaming. But this McDonald’s commercial was just the biggest deal ever. We ate cold french fries and old Chicken McNuggets for a really long time. But I thought it was just the best job ever. I loved meeting all of the people and all of the food.” – AnnaSophia Robb on getting her first gig for McDonalds.

Living a double life is not easy.  Young actors and actresses can get caught up in the whole stereotypical Hollywood scene, and they could end up in weekly tabloids or be those child star wonders who only make it for a few years.  They need to face complicated career choices and navigate through the pressures of celebrity culture.  However, AnnaSophia Robb won’t let the fame go to her head.  She’s still living in her hometown in Denver, Colorado and started attending a public school in the area after several years of homeschooling.  When she started freshman year at the new school last fall, many of her classmates were oblivious to who she was until a trailer for her movie ran on national TV during the Super Bowl.

AnnaSophia Robb signing autographs at "Sleepwalking" premiere

“The Race to Witch Mountain ad came on during the Super Bowl and, of course, the whole school watched it.  By Monday, everyone had seen it. They didn’t act any different. It wasn’t like, ‘You are in a movie!’  It was just kind of like, ‘You worked with Dwayne Johnson–that is so cool!  He is so hot!'” – AnnaSophia Robb on being exposed at her high school.

In addition to acting, her other interests include several forms of dancing such as jazz and hip-hop, gymnastics, swimming, skiing, kickboxing, reading, and running on her school’s cross country team.  Here’s a quick rundown on some of her more popular mainstream movies.

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Because of Winn-Dixie (2005)

AnnaSophia Robb as Opal with Winn-Dixie

Although she made her acting debut in 2004 after landing some television gigs, it wasn’t until 2005 that she gained popularity on the big screen.  Her first major on screen appearance was an adaptation of a popular children’s book.  On her second trip to L.A., AnnaSophia did three auditions and a screen test…and finally accepted the lead role for Opal in Because of Winn-Dixie.  I saw this movie and it’s one of those funny and touching family movies.  It’s no different than seeing any other Disney movie except there’s no singing, but there is a monkey and a small pig listening to Dave Matthews play the guitar.  Yes, Dave Matthews as in Dave Matthews band.

The movie is about a lonely 10 year old girl who has just moved to the small town of Naomi, Florida.  During the summer, she finds a dog wreaking havoc in a Winn-Dixie supermarket.  She takes the dog in and discovers that Winn-Dixie becomes friends with everyone he meets and she meets new people along the way as well.  Opal rekindles a relationship with her father and discovers that each person in her town had a sad and lonely past.   The dog is the key to bringing everyone together.  She realizes that almost everything good that happened to her over the summer was because of Winn-Dixie.  Cue laughter.  Roll on snare drum.  Females say awwww.

AnnaSophia Robb with director Wayne Wang

“Wayne Wang, the director, really helped me become a more mature actress. When I first started filming, I was really over the top. He just helped bring me down and make me real. That was really wonderful, a really wonderful experience. Also, what I learned about filming is it takes forever. I mean, there are so many different angles and shots. I mean, it just takes forever.” – AnnaSophia Robb on what she learned filming her first movie.

On the Ellen Degeneres show

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

AnnaSophia Robb as Violet Beauregarde in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was her second major movie in 2005 and it was a box office hit worldwide.  She played the gum-chewing karate chopping brat Violet Beauregarde.  This movie was a breakout role for her and helped escalate AnnaSophia’s popularity among teen audiences.  I thought this movie was great.  Fantastic cast, visually stunning, and a much better Willy Wonka played by the talented Johnny Depp.  This movie adaptation was also closer to the book.

AnnaSophia Robb at a bubble gum blowing contest

Great interview with Diane Sawyer on being Violet Beauregarde

Some Violet Beauregarde scenes from the movie.

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Bridge to Terabithia (2007)

AnnaSophia Robb and co-star Josh Hutcherson

Based on an award winning children’s book written by Katherine Paterson, Bridge to Terabithia was inspired by her son David Paterson.  During his childhood, David’s friend died and this story was her attempt to make sense of that loss.

This was the second movie I saw AnnaSophia Robb in and she impressed me.  I hadn’t noticed her too much before this movie.  She plays Leslie Burke, an eccentric and charming girl who moves in next door to Jesse Aarons played by Josh Hutcherson.  This role was a natural fit for her.  Bridge to Terabithia really resonated with me because of the parallels to my childhood; mostly my interest in art/drawing, my big imagination, and my love of doing things outdoors when I was a kid.  I didn’t read the book as a kid so I didn’t know what the movie was really about.  When I first saw the trailer to this, I thought oh it looks like another copycat movie to the whole Chronicles of Narnia craze.

I was definitely fooled, as this movie is much deeper and touches on several mature themes.  I can see why they did that for the trailer though.  It’s tough to draw audiences to a fantasy adventure movie like this without having some sort of action sequences.  Many people didn’t read the book though and despite the surprises, many people ended up loving the movie for the story.

AnnaSophia Robb holding Prince Terrien

AnnaSophia had read “Bridge to Terabithia” before she auditioned for the film and was already a huge fan.  “I remember I would stay up late reading the book and then wake up and start reading again in the morning,” she says.  “It touched me in a way I hadn’t been touched by a book before.  I really loved the characters and all the imagination.  I think it reminds me that even though I have to grow up, I don’t ever have to stop pretending and imagining.”

AnnaSophia especially felt close to Leslie.  “She’s one of those people who’s just always lit up, who has this glow about her, and no one can bring her down,” she says.  “Leslie’s such a lively and energetic character, it was really fun for me to become her.”

On March 30, 2008, Robb won her first career award when she was named “Leading Young Actress” at the Young Artist Awards for her role in Bridge To Terabithia. The film itself won a Young Ensemble Cast award.

DVD release interview with co-star Josh Hutcherson

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The Reaping (2007)

AnnaSophia Robb with Hilary Swank in "The Reaping"

Starring opposite Hilary Swank, AnnaSophia was pretty creepy in this movie playing a child (Loren McConnell) who helps rain 10 horrible plagues on a town.  Most of the acting in this movie was basically just creepy staring and some ambiguous lines.  It seems like every child actor needs to have the obligatory scary kid role.  During the filming of The Reaping, AnnaSophia wrote her own horror story titled “Backseat Swamp” which you can view here on YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wytHiAB9040

So strange and funny, I had to put this up

“Being able to do this film with Hilary Swank was, that’s a really big reason why I did it,” explained Robb. “And I just really enjoyed working with her and she gave me some good acting tips. Just acting, being able to do some intense scenes around her, was just really a great opportunity for me. I loved being able to work with her.” – AnnaSophia Robb on working with Hilary Swank

Nice interview with a movie critic

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Race to Witch Mountain (2009)

AnnaSophia Robb, Dwayne Johnson, and Alexander Ludwig in "Race to Witch Mountain"

I never saw the original movies so I can’t compare this reboot to the older ones.  However, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is in this and any movie with him is guaranteed to be entertaining.  The guy has awesome screen presence and he’s funny which makes him even better.  AnnaSophia Robb plays an alien named Sara who comes to earth with her brother Seth (played by Alexander Ludwig).  They are searching for a device to save their home world and they enlist the help of a cab driver (Jack Bruno played by Dwayne Johnson) and a UFO expert (played by Carla Gugino).  This movie is supposed to be an action packed “re-imagining” of the original…and I guess it is.  I definitely liked it.  It was entertaining and had plenty of action to steamroll you to the finish.  As far as Disney action movies go, I’m not sure if they could have made this any better.  Bring your kids, family, friends, whatever.

“I had a hard time not laughing all the time. We were cracking up on set. We had so much fun. Between Andy Fickman and Dwayne, who is such a character and so hilarious, and Alexander, who is like my favorite person in the whole world, we were having such a great time. It was really a happy set.” – AnnaSophia Robb on her experience filming Race to Witch Mountain

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These first two videos are dubbed in Russian for the first 40 seconds or so, but the INTERVIEWS are in English.

Funny interview (starts at 40 second mark) between AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig, and Dwayne Johnson.  Part 1 of 2

Funny interview (starts at 39 second mark) between AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig, and Dwayne Johnson. Part 2 of 2

Rare look behind the scenes with AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig, and Andy Fickman

Funny interview with AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig on the Bonnie Hunt show.

AnnaSophia Robb has shown a great acting range and style beyond her years.  The similarity to Dakota Fanning’s success is uncanny.  She’s a powerful force indeed.

I’ll be going through some of her lesser known movies in Part 2.  Stay tuned.

Go here for Part 2 of this post -> Rising stars:  Get to know AnnaSophia Robb – Part 2 of 3

Some quotes taken from GL Magazine.  Some pictures from http://www.annasophia-robb.org/

Links to interviews of ASR

• http://news.christiansunite.com/Religion_News/religion02301.shtml
• http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_11262.html
• http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2007/Feb/10/5-questions-for-annasophia-robb/
• http://www.teenhollywood.com/printerversion.asp?r=198881
  

Epic Failures of 2007 December 30, 2007

In no particular order except for #1 Britney, here is a list of epic failures for 2007.

Britney Spears

• This girl has reached a level of failure so high that a separate scale needs to be made.  After her epic failed marriage with Kevin Federline, she’s gone apeshit crazy.  From reckless driving, to horrendous parenting, to random self punishment, she has been on a rollercoaster ride of MASSIVELY epic failure.

Jamie Lynn Spears

• Pregnant at 16?  This is actually not uncommon, but only dumb shitty people get pregnant at 16.  It’s not like she couldn’t afford birth control.  Jamie Lynn was supposed to be a role model for young teens, and different from Britney Spears.  The rumored father might not have been her 19 year old ex-boyfriend, but a much much older Nickelodeon studio exec.  Epic Fail.

Vanessa Hudgens

• The nude picture of her that floated around the internet is actually pretty disturbing…and it may or may not qualify as child porn since her age is questionable.  She once was a rising music star and a Disney star appearing in the widely praised High School Musical.  Now she’s just lame and dating Zac Efron.  That guy literally wears makeup and is so gay that it makes me want to kick small children.

Paris Hilton

• I hope no one forgot about Paris because she made headlines in the first part of 2007.  She was sentenced to jail for an extraordinarily brief amount of time for serious repeated offenses.  She was mocked by Sarah Silverman at an Awards show as well as laughed at by almost everyone.  After her release, she claimed to be a changed person which of course is a crock of epic failure.  Recently, her grandfather has left just $5 million out of his $2.3 billion fortune for her inheritance.  This may still seem like a lot, but it’s Paris Hilton we’re talking about.

Playstation 3

• Instead of being called Playstation 3, it should be called Playstation Fail.  After debuting at the end of last year with much success, Sony has completely bombed 2007.  Some of the things that have contributed to this failure are terrible games such as “Lair”, multiple confusing versions of the PS3 with minor differences, and a high price tag.  Meanwhile, the Nintendo Wii is still sold out everywhere despite being on the market for a year.

Financial firms / Subprime mortgages

• The credit crisis has been covered more times than I can count by every news outlet.  The list of affected companies include investment banks like Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, and Citigroup.  Mortgage lenders like Freddie Mac and Countrywide Financial have been getting hammered.  Furthermore, failed CEOs like Chuck Prince left Citigroup with a golden parachute while the company took heavy losses.  The ‘R’ word (Recession) has been used a number of times.  This meltdown defines epic failure.

Amy Winehouse

• Pretty much the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen, her horrifying pictures qualify her to be of epic failure quality.

Jessica Simpson

• Her romance with Tony Romo has been annoying football fans.  Her latest album blows.  Her movie career is bombing faster than I can type this.  Case in point, her most recent movie theatre opening grossed $384 in its opening — $48 per screen, 6 people per showtime, and a total of 48 viewers.  Even her line of cosmetics have been moved into discount stores.  Washed up hack and EPIC FAIL!!!

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men

• The firing of Gamespot’s veteran reviewer Jeff Gerstmann has been linked to this game by Eidos Interactive.  He had given the game a “Fair” rating which was apparently undesirable.  Users on the popular site DIGG would later expose faked ratings by Eidos to make the game appear better.  The subsequent coverup could only be described as an epic failure.

Tom Cruise

• A bit of a stretch but his foray into Scientology and marriage of insanity with Katie Holmes has still been leaving me speechless.  Any stories about Tom Cruise now are generally about how he has epicly failed.